Misunderstood (Written for my daughter... Kasey LaRaine, 4-8-2006)

She’s so confused, and misunderstood...
She’s been abused - and she is so good.
She wants someone, to hold her hand...
to cuddle her - and understand.

She wants a hug hello... and a hug goodbye -
and maybe a kiss just because.
But she needs to know that he’s an ally -
more like the way that it was.

They got so close... and she gave in -
to that romantic desire.
And I suppose, one day, they will again -
rekindle that same fire.

But - for now - she needs to be sure...
She needs to know the love is pure.
To prove to herself, without obligation,
that love will be there, without reservation.

She needs time to grow, time to heal -
time to know that the love is real.
She is misunderstood... this is true -
and misunderstands herself sometimes, too.

She can’t explain what it is that she needs...
And she curses and cries and begs and pleads.
But what she needs, is a true love that can spend -
time with her, “just as a friend”.

(For Kasey, Love Mom)

2-18-2001: To Mom, With Love...

To Mom, with Love...

When I was very, very small,
I firmly believed you knew it all...
But as a teen, of course - I knew,
just, a little bit more than you.

Cradled in your loving arms -
protected, sheltered - kept from harm.
I grew up happy, with love to spare;
joy and laughter - plenty to share.

LeDon and I, we had the best...
we were always the envy of all the rest.
You always loved us - this we knew;
you showed it in everything you would do.

From matching dresses, to barbie clothes -
you showered us with love from our heads to our toes.
Birthday cakes, handmade with care -
something special every year!

All of our friends wanted YOU for THEIR mom;
and you always made them feel at home.
You made holidays wonderfully fun -
they were always special, every one.

And through the years, you taught us well;
and always caught us when we fell.
But when I became a mother too,
I realized I'd never know as much as you.

You're the prettiest, the smartest, the best mom ever -
How did I get so lucky... how did you get so clever?
And as I try to follow your footsteps with care;
I am happy just knowing you will always be there!
***

TORN APART (2006)

I’m so sad... and I feel so bad -
‘cause I just don’t know...
Why would he go?

He became so angry, so cold, and so mad...
He said he wasn’t happy with the life that we had -
but that life, it was ours - it was mine, and his...
And this thing we’re facing now... it is, what it is.

But just what it is, I’m not really sure -
for this thing that is ailing us... is there a cure?
Can we find our way back, from these depths of despair...
Can we find, once again, that love and that care?

I don’t know, where we should go -
from where we now both stand...
All that’s real, is what I feel -
I want to take his hand.

I want him back, like he used to be -
when he held me tight and desired me...
I want us back, the way we were -
to be his only love, that’s what I’d prefer.

Our family, it means so much to me...
What does it mean to him?
Some days seem so hopeful - like it’s all meant to be...
And some others, the light seems so dim.

All I can do, is hope and pray -
that he will awake and find his way...
That he’ll find his way back to the family we’ve made -
and realize the price we have paid.

God, give us strength, to go on without him -
and give me faith, though I still doubt him.

If we must now, be apart -
let me trust, now, in his heart,
he can be a better man...
For his son - I hope he can.
***

Lord, Help Me (4-19-2012)

Lord, please tell me, how I know...
If it is or isn’t so
that You were Jesus,
and Jesus, You -
anymore than we are, too.
I’ve always felt You in my heart,
and always felt like such a part
of a world where once I did belong...
But the one I lived in felt so wrong.
People talk and people preach -
but no one knows just what to teach.
They say they do,
when they really don’t...
They promise to do things,
they really won’t.
People lie and cheat and steal -
and then they tell you what to feel,
what to think and how to live...
Few remember how to give.
Fewer less, even, remember You,
unless they sit in their church pew.
They spout righteousness,
despite their sins -
and go back home to sin again -
never giving a second thought,
to Your presence,
as their follies are wrought.
Help me Lord, to know what to do...
And help me, I pray, to teach what is true.

BEGIN AGAIN

There comes a time in all our lives,
when hopelessness sets in;
when all seems lost and we find we ought,
begin our lives again.

We must rise up when we are down,
in order to stand and fight;
for in the darkest night, you will find,
it’s easiest to see the light.

No matter where life leads us
In good times and in bad,
the love of God still feeds us...
whether happy love, or sad.

Through the best times He has talked to me,
as I went through my day;
 and in the worst times, He’s walked with me,
 though I’ve felt far away.

I thank the Lord, for this life I lead,
though far from Him, I stray;
Still He stays with me, through adversity,
and comforts me, day by day.
***

THE RIDE

As I ride my stallion, to the mountain top -

reaching for the sky...

I find myself, lost in thought -

wondering how and why.

How did He do it, and why does He care?

And I ask Him that, when I get up there -

I dismount my horse - and I stop and stare...

For the beauty that surrounds me,

simply, just, astounds me -

all the sounds, around me -

every where.

I feel Him, deep within me...

Stirring something in me -

something, of which,

I am not yet aware.

I hear His Words, in the song of the birds;

and they fill the mountain air...

And the afternoon breeze, as it blows through the trees,

is warning me - to beware.

He summons me, to notice, the spider and bug...

And then, He gently gives me, a warm, internal hug.

The spider, He says, is cunning and sly -

forever plotting, to trap the fly.

And many people, lay traps too -

hoping they will soon catch you.

So as you ride, on life’s rough trail,

be sure to watch your gait...

For there are those, with tooth and nail -

who skillfully, lie, in wait.

And along the way, you will find,

those who like to be unkind...

Who laugh and tease,

those on their knees -

while they,

can’t make up their own mind.

Then God tells me,

He won’t leave me -

when all the others don’t believe me -

and assures me, He will teach me,

right, from wrong.

He promises to guide me -

and to always stay beside me -

as the cricket’s hum their slow, melodic song.

And as I descend the mountain,

passing by a fountain -

I feel blessed to be alive...

upon the earth.

And I thank God, for all His gifts to me -

and tell Him to do as He wishes, with me -

for I was His servant, already...

at my birth.

I like to think, He understands...

What He always meant to me -

but I wanted to do, what I wanted to do -

and to be, what I wanted to be.

And so, in my youth, I strayed a bit,

from that straight and narrow path...

But I like to think, He understood -

and maybe, even laughed.

And through the years,

as I grew older...

His hold on me - well, it grew bolder.

And though I resisted, to some extent,

I never fought too hard -

because, after all, it is God’s game;

and He holds the ultimate card.

And as I remember, those wonderful days...

My life has changed, in so many ways -

before, I was strong,

and now, I am weak...

It didn’t take long,

to turn me humble and meek.

I can no longer get upon my horse -

for gravity is a mighty force.

With broken leg, I sit and write -

to tell this tale to you...

Somewhat prepared, but still, not quite -

for what it is, I must do.

My ride, is not yet over...

Onward, I go, still -

on an endless search,

for the perfect church -

climbing, up life’s hill.

The Mormon Church, disappointed me...

The Universal Life Church has anointed me.

But I feel, that God ordained me, long ago.

The Church just never knew me -

they said, God wouldn’t, talk to me...

But how in the world, does anybody know?

I know God, as well as any man -

as well, as any human can.

He walks with me,

and I with Him...

(when I can keep that pace).

And I will always be...

whether beside, or behind,

On His team - while I’m riding life’s race.

So, though I may not belong,

to a church -

right or wrong...

I long, to belong to Him.

And whenever I ask,

“Lord, show me my task...”

He answers, with vigor and vim.

And He tells me to write,

both day and night -

He tells me write... about Him.

And now that I know, the bulk of His plan -

I will watch where I go, and do what I can...

And though I am scared, of crowds, just a bit -

I’m not scared of any man.

For God is with me - this is it -

I can do it...

I know that I can.

Then He fills me with words,

about life and death...

He sharpens my senses,

and halts my breath -

but only, for a moment or two.

And with my hands shaking,

at the task I am facing,

He tells me, again...

what to do.

He says to reach out, to those who are lost;

Who would sell their soul, at any cost -

to the young and confused...

and the scared - and the tossed.

To tell them, they control their own life’s ride -

we can live with humility, or live with pride.

Our body is ours -

to do with, as we please;

as we traverse this physical plain.

With doors to open,

 and doors to close;

there’s so much to lose...

yet, so much to gain.

So walk through any door you want...

Some will help you - others, will taunt.

And if you get stuck,

or lose your way -

all you have to do...

Is stop for a minute; take time to pray -

and God will rescue you.

Yes, I like to remember,

those rides in September...

As the leaves crunched beneath my steed.

And when I recall,

those days in the Fall...

I thank God, for planting that seed.

Enjoy the ride.

***

BUSY WORLD

Things to do... places to be.

Things to take care of and people to see.

Busy you, busy me...

Imagine where the world would be,

without Him to guide our spirit -

a voice of Wisdom - if you can hear it.

Running here, and running there...

Always running, everywhere.

On the go - in a hurry to die -

never really knowing why.

We push ahead, on our life’s journey...

Though the path is rocky and sometimes thorny -

and we forge our way, through good times and bad -

for the most part, being thankful, for the good times we’ve had.

But we don’t understand, the one thing we should...

that the bad times are what teach us, more than the good.

We should be most thankful for those difficult days -

for they have helped us in many ways.

Durations of despair, lasting any length...

It is those times, that build spiritual strength.

Most of us don’t notice - as we crawl in our hole -

but what we do, on days of sadness, is look into our soul.

Whether you are aware, or not...

You maintain a special spot.

God is present in your life, as much as you allow -

But regardless of acceptance, He loves you anyhow.

This life is just an experience... to teach us right from wrong.

It’s His way of building our character - letting us struggle, our whole life long.

But His world is always waiting...

The pains of this world, abating -

While constantly, we struggle and worry...

Why are we in such a hurry?

Life is too short to be callous and cold -

before we all know it, we will be old.

And the thing God hopes, that we will all learn,

as we go through this life - and suffer and yearn -

is that the very most important part,

comes from matters of the heart...

It’s that we love, that we nurture... we learn to care.

It is simply to know that He is there.

The first lesson in life, as a babe, in warm arms -

we learn that kind person will keep us from harm.

And the one thing that’s certain...

The one thing we know... is that, that love will always be there.

And the love that they give us - it helps us to grow -

and it shapes us in ways we couldn’t possibly know.

God’s love, does the same, in a spiritual way -

“Intuition” or “instinct”... “gut feelings”, you say?

That is God... urging you, every day -

to do what is right - to do what is good.

Imploring you always, to do what you should.

Though God’s arms are not flesh... they are a safe mesh -

to keep us from falling too far.

Throughout your life... in melee and strife,

He watches over you, wherever you are.

Opportunities, He presents, when needs arise -

and discipline, He provides, to make us wise.

In this busy world, as we go through each day -

hurrying, worrying, and pushing Him away -

He loves us, regardless... of what we do, or don’t, say.

But we should try to thank Him, once in a while, anyway.

***